Argus and Irma's Very Special Valentine's
by miss mcGonagle
Summary: Argus Filch finds love and happiness on Valentine's Day in the Hogwarts library. ArgusIrma. Please have mercy and review. Title suggestions welcome.


**I begged OSUSprinks to kill me before I posted this...but she refused. So now you all have to suffer through this product of my insanity. I've been convinced of this relationship since HBP and the Lexicon seems to confirm it. So if you haven't gouged your eyes out before reaching the end, click that pretty little button down there and let me know what you think.**

**And yes, this is a contest entry for The Hideaway. Choose an HP character and write about them casting their first spell. 400-800wds. This is 800 exactly.**

**Disclaimer: I don't own it...thank heavens.**

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On most Valentine's Days, Argus Filch could be found glaring at the giddy students, and professors, as they exchanged cards and ran off in pairs to hide in his broom cupboards. Everyone in the castle seemed to become ten times sillier on that day and Argus could only shake his grizzled head in disgust.

But this year, things were different. This year, Argus had a sweetheart. The problem was that she was a witch and he was a mere squib, but he was going to work as hard as he could to overcome that handicap.

For years now, Argus had been taking a Kwikspell course that was supposed to help squibs like himself gain the use of magic. He had a secondhand wand and had tried time and again to produce some evidence of magical ability to no avail. He carried the wand in the pocket of his jacket as he patrolled the hallways, just in case he was able to use it.

The caretaker's wanderings carried him to the Hogwarts library. It was there that he stopped and looked through the doorway longingly. His beloved was standing at her desk, inspecting the books that the students had just returned, making sure that they had not been mistreated while out of her care.

Argus sighed happily as he watched her work. One of the things he loved most about her was the way she cared for her books. She hated the students just as much as he did; she understood how careless they could be and how much damage they could inflict upon the castle and the objects within.

Argus continued to watch the librarian as she worked. He had no idea how long he had stood there before she glanced up from her work and noticed him.

"Argus!" Irma Pince exclaimed, blushing and nervously patting her hair and smoothing her skirt. "I didn't see you standing there."

Argus coughed and shuffled his feet.

"Hello, Irma," he said softly. "You look nice today."

Irma blushed even harder, her cheeks now as pink as her blouse.

"Thank you Argus," she replied. "It is Valentine's Day you know."

She looked at Argus hopefully. He noticed her look and cleared his throat.

"Uh, yeah. I know that," he told her. "I wanted to get you something special, but I didn't think you'd want any flowers or chocolates in here cause they might mess up your books."

Irma smiled at him.

"You are quite right about that," she told him.

"So I didn't get you anything," Argus saw the flash of disappointment in the librarian's eyes and added hastily, "I wrote you a poem instead."

Argus handed her a card. On the front was a picture of two kittens cuddled up together with the words, _We're so cute. I love us, _written on the front. Inside was the poem Argus had labored over for many hours.

_Irma is so pretty,_

_She is nicer than a kitty._

_Her hair is like ink_

_And her lips are baby pink._

_I love Irma Pince,_

_She makes me feel like a prince._

_If she loved me too_

_I would not feel so blue._

_Love, Argus_

Argus looked down self-consciously as Irma read the poem. When she had finished deciphering his untidy scrawl she blushed again and looked up at the man before her.

"Oh_, Argus_," she whispered, "that's so sweet."

Argus ducked his head and stuck his hands into his pockets, embarrassed and pleased.

"Oh, well," he said modestly. Irma walked to his side and placed a gentle kiss on his cheek.

"I love you too," she whispered.

Argus felt a surge of happiness rush through him and his left hand closed on the wand hidden in his pocket. All at once a loud pop sounded and a bright purple light flared from Argus's left side. Argus and Irma jumped and she clutched at his right arm.

"What was that?" she demanded, clearly frightened.

Argus shook his head and pulled his left hand out of his pocket, still clutching the wand. Grasping the wand with his other hand, Argus put his left hand back into the pocket and pulled out a handful of rose petals. He stared at them as his eyes filled with tears.

"Argus? What's the matter?"

Argus cleared his throat and showed her the petals.

"I did magic," he told her, "I was so happy I was able to do magic and these petals appeared in my pocket."

Irma stared at the petals in his hand and then smiled up at him.

"That's wonderful Argus," she told him sweetly. Then her voice turned serious. "But if you drop so much as one of those in this library I will personally skin you alive."

Argus grinned at her.

"Happy Valentine's Day, Irma."

"Happy Valentine's Day, dear."


End file.
